Hello Mr. Keys.
I am here as a representative of the Black Hand (which is of course totally unrelated to the Science undergrads) and the Engineers. I would like to speak to you about the travesty that is the SUB. Currently, there is not only no pornography in the SUB, but also there is only a single recycling bin, and that is in front of Pi-R-Squared. A travesty! Upon further examination, photo proof of your monopoly on these resources has been found. Several square meters of pornography (including tubgirl) and over 50 recycling bins - surely you could have found a better hiding place than your not-so-secret batcave, that is, your exec office?
a panoramic view of your office, sir.
Evidence: recycling bins.
You are a depraved individual, sir.
Our investigators were shocked and horrified. We'll be notifying PETA!
Words began to fail us when our eyes fell upon it.
We thought it was cute - turn on, turn off the moustacioued man - until we realized that there is a clitoris right above the light switch.
Even our most advanced chromed pornography-removing technology would not get it off.
My eyes... the goggles... they do nothing.
Recycling in the front, porn in the back?
Beginning to count the recycling bins.
Driven mad by the fumes from the recycling bins, our investigators bit their thumbs at us, sir. We will be forwarding you their psychiatrist's bills.
The hallway into horror.
The bins... they're stacked on TOP of each other... there was no air to breathe... the horror, the horror.
One of our investigators tries to enter the room, despite the fact that it is literally full to overflowing with recycling bins.
In conclusion sir: we expect you to deal with this problem IMMEDIATELY, or we will be forced to notify the appropriate authorities.